Saturday, January 21, 2006

"I think a man only needs one thing in life. He just needs someone to love...
If you can't give him that, then give him something to hope for...
And if you can't give him that, just give him something to do..."
- James Liddle - Flight of the Phoenix


This entire month has been one rollercoaster ride after another. When you realise that u've got only a month to live, your whole perspective of life changes. Every thing that you've once taken for granted comes back to you in a whole different light.

Fresh air... I used to work way after closing hours, tidying the shelves, arranging everything to point in the same direction... But now I find myself getting out at 5.30pm sharp, dropping everything I have just to bask in the glow of the sunset and to suck in the wonderful Australian air. And just for that couple of minutes, u forget about the hundreds of flies stuck to the back of your shirt (let's not spoil the moment here shall we ^_^)

Fishing... Where do I start? ^_^ Used to think it was a waste of time. Old geezers with too much time on their hands trying to catch fish stupid enough to bite on some lifeless bait... Well, lets just say that I am one of those geezers now eh *grin* I never knew that my Father could use fishing to teach me an important principle of life... Its not about patience, its not about skill and its certainly not about the equipment. Its about trusting Him once you cast your line into the water. I'm not talking about sport fishing where u know where fish are and how they would react when someone tries to rip their jaw out with a hook. Its the plain old school style where u only have your rod, line, bait and iPod.

Its these times where u can only throw the bait into the water and wait... Wait for my Father to deliver... Or for one real stupid fish to swim around. Its these times when u really feel vulnerable and stupid (guys... talking to the fish won't make them bite k... trust me, i tried that). But its also these times when u realise that we're not really in control. Our Father in heaven is. When we try to control our lives, our future, we unknowingly slap the hand of our Father away, refusing His help and wisdom. If only we could learn to cast the line into the vast ocean and let the Lord do the rest... Or u could pray for real stupid fish ^_^

Friends... Friends who once were, now is, and yet to come...
What do I do without them? Oh right, there's still Video Ezy ^_^ Friends are not just people you know... They are people that are willing to go one step further, one cent dearer, one hour longer for you. They are people who don't expect anything in return, except for the annual invite to the front row seats of Australia Day fireworks on my balcony and the occasional jar of salt. So to all my friends out there; who was, who is, and who is yet to come, I thank you all...

Forgiveness... Ah tough one this is...
It is an inevitable fact of life that some point in your life, there will be someone u'll come across that will tick your tocks the wrong way. To some, that person may be a customer who loves to place her wet umbrella on top of my freshly arranged "DRY" stock on my counter top (i forgave her already) or the tailgater who loves to drive his car inches from my bumper... so close that he can use my rearview mirror to arrange his hair (a quick flick on the brake pedal did the trick), but what if that person is your friend? Your loved one? Your family member? Can we actually forgive and forget? First of all we must find out why we forgive in the first place... It's because our Father did it to us. He didn't have to forgive us of all our sins, but He did. He didn't have to love us troublemakers, murmurers and liars, but He did. He didn't have to give His Son to die for us gossipers, hypocrites and fools, but He did. If our Father can overlook the wrong that we did and love us for who we really are, then maybe we should start trying to do the same. Lets have the heart of our Father, full of grace and love overflowing...

I forgive you... For what you did. I do not know why you had to do it that way, but you have your reasons. I leave you to the Lord, for Him to guide you and teach you all things, that you may not make the same mistake again.

The past is the past, its all but a memory to me.
History has become His story to tell, His will I let it be...
For me all I can do is forgive you and move on.
But my respect and trust for you is all but gone...


Forget...
There is a misconception that when we forgive, we also have to forget. There is no verse in the bible that tells us that... Not even close. The Lord only tells us to forgive. Then where did the "forget" part come from? Honestly I have no idea and I think that is what's hampering the forgiving process... I tried to forget and the more I did, the harder it came back. It is only when I told myself to forgive and let the Lord do the rest, the memories did not hurt as much as it did. So now, even though I remember the things that were done to me, I overlook them and accept them as my past. And now come to think about it, it ain't a big deal anymore.. Hey, who doesn't make mistakes eh? ^_^

Oh just in case u thought I was gona *dong dong chang*, oh no no no... I'm still gona be here for a long long time by the grace of God ^_^ Was referring to whether I'll still remain living in Australia. Haven't been back to Singapore for close to 3 years now, so the idea of returning back home is quite erm... Humid. (hey i'm sorry if that's the first thing i can think of k ^_^)

To all of you out there who have helped me get through this ordeal, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. The Lord bless you & keep you in Love, Joy & Peace always.